can't deny that I want you, but I'll lie if I have to
by lost-n-stereo
Summary: Bellamy/Clarke one-shots & drabbles. Not connected, most will be rated T for language/situations but some could be rated M later on.
1. won't you lead me home?

"Why was Raven sneaking out of your tent last night?"

That probably wasn't the best way to start this conversation but right now it's all she's got.

And it's not as if she was spying on them or anything. She just happened to be outside of her tent last night, which just happens to face his, and saw Raven sneaking out of it. She's not sure why it kept her up all night. She certainly doesn't know why she's even asking him about it now.

Bellamy raises an eyebrow as he tosses a small red berry in his mouth.

"What do you think?" he asks with a smirk.

Clarke Griffin might be a lot of things but naive is not one of them.

"I think that she's only been single all of two days and somehow you've already gotten her into your bed."

That seems to piss him off because he lets out a huff and puts his hands on his hips.

"_Somehow_ I got her into my bed? You don't think that maybe she wanted to be there?" His harsh tone makes her take a step back. It's not like she was accusing him of something and she doesn't know why he's acting like she did.

"I wasn't…that's not even…" He holds up a hand to cut her off.

"You should really be thanking me, Princess," he bites out.

"Oh yeah? Why's that?" she asks even though she's pretty sure she already knows what he's going to say.

"You're free to be with Spacewalker. Isn't that what you wished for in the first place?" he asks bitterly. Something flashes in his eyes and she starts to say something but he shakes his head angrily and walks away.

Her stomach tightens as she watches him disappear into his tent and she feels like an idiot for bringing it up in the first place.

She doesn't even know why she did.

* * *

They're not friends.

He doesn't know why she thinks she has the right to interrogate him about who he sleeps with.

Raven was the one that came on to him in the first place, told him that she was just looking for a way to kill the time (pain) and that maybe they could help each other out.

What was he going to do, say no?

There is so much other shit going on down and he's sitting here feeling guilty about spending the night with Raven when he should be thinking about anything else.

He's not going to deny that it's guilt that he's feeling but he can't figure out who he feels like he's screwing over more, Finn or Clarke?

There's a part of him that knows it's because of _her_ but it's the part of him that he's managed to keep at bay for the last however many days and he's not about to let it win now.

* * *

Bellamy was right about Murphy.

She should have known that he would be because Bellamy knows how guys like Murphy work. That might scare other people but it just tells her that she really needs to trust him on matters like these.

Murphy goes nuts one day in camp and before she realizes what's happening there's a knife at her throat and a voice in her ear telling her to shut up or she's dead. Finn and Bellamy are both standing in front of her, Bellamy with a gun in his hand and murder in his eyes while Finn does his best to talk Murphy down. One fights with his mind and one fights with his heart.

It's funny how she notices these difference as the cool metal of Murphy's knife presses harder against her skin.

Bellamy makes eye contact with her and motions his head a bit to the side and she knows what to do. She tilts her head to the right and then there's the loud pop of a gunshot before Murphy's lifeless arm falls off of her and she stumbles into Finn's arms. He's stroking her hair and whispering in her ear that she's okay but her eyes are trained on Bellamy, who lowers his gun to his side and then looks straight at her. He gives her a quick nod, a hint of a smile, and she knows what that means.

She lets Finn wrap his arms around her because he's warm and safe and she wants to.

Her gut wrenches when she watches Bellamy walk towards the others but she doesn't know if it's because he's moving away from her or because he doesn't look back.

If she's being honest, it's probably a lot of both.

* * *

He's so angry at her.

It's unfair and definitely misplaced but he doesn't care.

He warned her that Murphy was unstable and ready to snap, he warned her something like this could happen. She didn't listen.

She never listens because she's too damn stubborn to ever admit that he's right.

Octavia must have noticed that he wanted to be alone because she doesn't come in until after it's dark to check on him.

"You did the right thing today, Bell." He sighs and shakes his head. "Clarke is alive because of you."

"Yeah, except this hero doesn't get the girl," he mumbles. Octavia raises an eyebrow and he shakes his head. "Just forget it."

"Bellamy?" They both turn at the sound of Clarke's voice and Octavia pats his shoulder and nods at Clarke before leaving the two of them alone.

Clarke gives him a small smile as she sits on the edge of his bed.

"I wanted to thank you, Bellamy." He shrugs and moves so he's sitting next to her, their hands almost touching between them.

"Not a big deal. Can't have a lunatic killing our Princess after all," he jokes but he can tell that she's not buying it.

"Bellamy, what you did today…no one else could have done that." She's moving closer to him, her pinkie is grazing his and when he looks up her face is inches from his.

"What about Jasper?" he says with a chuckle and she laughs quietly as she shakes her head.

"You saved my life. Again. It seems like you're always doing that."

She's so close. Too close.

He's so damn tired of fighting against his feelings.

His eyes flicker down to her lips and she pulls in a breath when he wraps his hand around the side of her neck to pull her lips to his. She melts into his arms and one hand grips the collar of his jacket while the other sits dangerously high on his leg.

She pulls away first.

"Bellamy…"

He doesn't want to hear her tell him that this can't be anything more so he just shakes his head and kisses her again.

There's no telling what dangers are still around the corner. Grounders or weather or hunger. Right now, none of that matters.

They can worry about all of that tomorrow.


	2. touch

The first time he touches her is also the first time he saves her life.

He remembers every moment of that day vividly. The wild and scared look in her eyes as he literally held her fate in his hands. The way the sun hit the metal of that damned wristband as he pulled her up to safety.

No matter how badly he wanted the Ark to think that she was dead there was never even a second where he considered letting her fall.

* * *

He teaches her how to shoot in an underground bunker after they find a barrel full of hundred year old rifles.

She doesn't know how to hold it so he steps close to her and puts one hand on the gun and the other on her. It feels like an electric shock pulsing through his body when his hand curls around her arm and it's strong enough that it forces him to take a step back.

Less than an hour later he's watching Dax fall with a bullet lodged in his neck and Clarke is scrambling backwards until her back hits the truck of the tree behind her. He crawls over to her and his hand grips her knee as she searches his face and tells him that he's okay.

But he's not okay and the only time he feels close to it is when she looks him in the eye and tells him that she needs him.

* * *

Finn catches her before he can when she's sick and collapses in the middle of camp.

She makes him so mad sometimes, this strong and brave _princess_, but he's scared for her. He's scared for all of them.

He wakes up in the drop ship alone, the Grounder virus coursing through his veins and he doesn't see Octavia or Clarke anywhere. Murphy tries to help him but he pushes him away as Clarke walks up behind him. Her hand brushes his back when she sits down next to him.

Their fingertips brush as she hands him a cup of water and she smiles when he asks if she's okay.

"That's good," he says when she tells him that she is.

It's good because he needs her more than he will probably ever admit.

* * *

He finds comfort with Raven.

She comes to him after Finn and Clarke go off to hunt and asks him if she can stay with him for the night. They are both searching for something, for what he's not sure, and it makes him feel both better and empty at the same time.

She's still in love with Finn. He's not sure if he's even capable of loving someone other than Octavia.

They step out of his tent when Finn and Clarke come back into camp and he doesn't miss the disappointment in Clarke's eyes when she sees the two of them together. He thinks that she's more disappointed in him for sleeping with Finn's ex than anything else.

Finn tells the camp about the grounders holding them hostage until Clarke fixed up one of their people and Bellamy's hand clenches as he listens.

He reaches out for her arm when she pushes past him but his fingertips only graze her elbow before she disappears inside of her tent.

It makes him feel like a complete ass that while her life was in danger he was finding solace in another woman's arms.

* * *

She's bleeding heavily, her shirt is soaked through, and Octavia is yelling something intelligible behind him. Clarke is pretending to be brave but he can see in her eyes that she's terrified.

That makes two of them.

Her hand reaches for his and he lets their fingers intertwine as he pushes the hair off of her face with his other hand.

"You're going to be okay," he whispers and she nods but he could be lying and she knows it. Her eyes never leave his and he takes a deep breath before leaning down and touching his lips gently to her forehead. "You're going to be okay."

It's the closest they have ever been and it feels like too much and not enough all at once.

* * *

She spends the next week and a half resting in the drop ship.

Luckily for all of them Octavia was raised by a seamstress and weeks of shadowing Clarke in their makeshift infirmary has turned her into quite the nurse.

It's hard to get a moment alone with her so when Finn and Jasper make plans to gather water at the river he takes the time to visit her.

"How ya feeling, Princess?"

There are dark circles under her eyes and she's still so pale but she gives him a smile anyways.

"I've had better days," she jokes. He chuckles and pulls up a chair to sit beside her. There's a small pink scar on her arm from one of the Grounder's blades and he sighs as he runs his finger across it gently.

"We could have lost you," he says quietly, his eyes never leaving the scar he's still tracing. "I don't know what I would have done…"

"Bellamy, look at me." Her tone is serious so he does. "You're not going to lose me."

He doesn't know if she means it in the way that he wants her to but for right now it's enough for him so he just nods and sits back in his chair.

His hand stays resting on her arm the entire time he's there but she doesn't ask him to move it, so he doesn't.


	3. promise me

"Bellamy, you have to promise me."

He shakes his head, not just in protest of her words but because he doesn't even want to be thinking about this in the first place. Clarke is standing in front of him with her arms crossed, the look of determination set firm in her features.

"Clarke, no. I can't do that." She rolls her eyes and sighs in disappointment but he doesn't care. She's too important to this camp (to him) and frankly he's pissed at her for even asking this of him. "If you ever get taken by grounders, I'm going to look for you. That's all there is to it."

"Bellamy, you can't. The lives of our people are too important and they need you. With or without me." She's looking at him expectantly, like she's just made a good enough point that he should be agreeing. He can't do that.

"I hate to break it to you, Princess, but they need _both_ of us." He hates the look in her eyes, the one that tells him that she's right and he's wrong, and who knows? Maybe she is right but he doesn't care.

He tells her the odds of her getting taken by grounders is slim to none anyways and pushes past her to leave her tent.

* * *

His first instinct is to let Octavia and Raven take Myles back to camp while he goes to look for Clarke, Finn and Monty.

Clarke's words are echoing in his ears _The lives of our people are too important and they need you _and when he looks down at Myles and sees the kid struggling to breathe he thinks about what Clarke would do in this situation.

She'd make the hard choice.

Octavia is scared and Raven looks like she's about three seconds from a total meltdown and he only hesitates for a moment before making the decision he never thought he'd have to make.


	4. this is the moment we'll come alive

"Do you ever think we should just stop doing this?"

She's breathing hard, her blonde curls damp with sweat and she pushes up on her elbows to look over at him. He props himself up on one arm and leans over her, moves her hair out of the way before brushing his lips against her shoulder and then up her neck until he gets to her ear.

"Why in the hell would we do that?" he whispers and she giggles and turns her head to catch his lips with her own. He grins against her mouth and his hand finds those blonde curls, wraps them around his fingers as he deepens the kiss and pulls her back down on top of him.

This thing between them is probably stupid (definitely stupid) but when she's with him here like this he can't find it in himself to care.

They live day to day, battling hunger and the elements, grounders and mountain men. He puts everyone in the camp before himself and so does Clarke. They work together to make sure everyone has food and water and protection against anything outside their camp's walls.

At night though, at night it's just about the two of them.

He kissed her for the first time weeks ago. They were arguing about something, he can't even remember what, and they were entirely too close. She had brought her hands up like she was going to push him but he pulled her to him before she could actually go through with it. He had her up against a tree, one hand braced beside her head and the other tightly curled around her waist, when a branch broke behind them and they quickly pulled apart right before Octavia called out his name.

They were pretty lucky that Octavia and Jasper didn't suspect anything then. He's really surprised no one suspects anything now.

She sneaks into his tent most nights, because they both agree that his makeshift bed is more comfortable that hers, and how she hasn't gotten caught yet he'll never know.

Tonight she was giggling when she pushed open the flaps of his tent and he could only raise an eyebrow as she pulled off her shirt and climbed on top of him.

"Monty almost caught me!" she had explained and he had just kissed her because he doesn't care what other people think and he doesn't think that she should either.

Now she's asking him if he thinks they should just end _this_, whatever _this_ is, and there is no way in hell he wants that.

He's pretty sure the moan she lets out when he pushes inside of her again means that she doesn't really want that either.

* * *

He catches Clarke's eye when they are standing around the campfire one night and she blushes as he tosses a berry into his mouth and winks.

"What's going on between you and Clarke?"

He spins around to see his sister standing with her arms crossed over her chest and an eyebrow raised in a knowing expression. He scoffs and rolls his eyes but doesn't answer her one way or another. Octavia laughs quietly and moves so she's standing next to him.

"I'm not judging you or anything." He doesn't say anything. "Bell, you deserve to be happy."

He watches Clarke laugh at something Finn says and something that feels an awful lot like jealousy hits him hard. He lets out a sigh and elbows Octavia lightly in the arm playfully.

"Thanks, O." He doesn't say anything else but he doesn't need to. Octavia is one of the only people that truly knows him.

She gives him a smile and they stand quietly by the fire watching as the flames flicker up into the night sky.

* * *

Everything comes out in the open two weeks later.

They are fooling around in his tent, her pinned beneath him and both of their shirts long since tossed to the side. She's got both of her legs wrapped around his waist and he's kissing her everywhere his lips can reach.

"Hey Bellamy? We should probably go hunting tomorrow, we're getting low on food…"

Finn's voice comes through the doorway of his tent and Clarke freezes beneath him and stares up at him with wide eyes. Bellamy sighs and reaches for the shirt closest to them, which happens to be his, and he hands it to her before standing up.

"Ever heard of knocking, Finn?" he asks in annoyance and he doesn't miss the way Finn's eyes darken at the site of Clarke on his bed.

"What the hell is this?" Finn asks. Clarke is dressed now (in his shirt) and she stands up so she's directly beside Bellamy.

"It's exactly what it looks like," she says without an ounce of guilt in her voice and even Bellamy is a little shocked at how honest she's being. "Bellamy and I…"

"Are what? A couple now?" Finn is practically yelling now and when he takes a step closer to Clarke, Bellamy moves so he's in between them.

"This has nothing to do with you, Finn." Bellamy says as he crosses his arms over his chest.

Finn shoots a look at Clarke, as if asking if she's really doing this, but Clarke just moves so she's standing next to Bellamy again. She's not backing down and he's glad because there has always been a part of him just waiting for her to leave him for Finn.

"I can't even…this is…" Finn holds up his hands and shakes his head before leaving Bellamy's tent. Clarke lets out a breath and Bellamy reaches over and pulls her to him so his arms are around her waist.

"I guess the cat's out of the bag," she says dryly and Bellamy chuckles as rests his chin on the top of her head.

"At least we don't have to sneak around anymore." She looks up at him in surprise. "What?"

"You still want this…us…I mean…with everyone knowing?"

It makes him laugh out loud and she looks offended as she tries to push him away. He rolls his eyes and pulls her closer to him.

"Clarke, do you really think I care what anyone else thinks? This…_us_…I'm not ready to let that go yet."

She looks relieved and he reaches down to pick her up by her thighs, which forces her legs to lock around his waist. He walks them back to his bed and grins when she lets out a squeak as he settles back between her legs.

"We both deserve a little happiness. Don't ya think, Princess?" They both laugh until he's pulling off her (his) shirt for the second time that night, her fingers digging into his shoulders as he kisses down her body.

She's crazy if she thinks he's ever letting _this_ go.


	5. thrill of the hunt

_a/n: This is a companion piece to this is the moment we'll come alive. ____You don't have to read that one to follow along with this but it couldn't hurt (:_

He doesn't know why in the hell he agreed to go hunting with Clarke alone.

They have been at odds with each other since the last grounder attack. She thinks they should try to make peace again and he thinks she's crazy because who tries to make peace with the people that kidnapped her.

He's being a stubborn ass and he knows this but he doesn't care.

She showed up at his tent this morning and asked him if he wanted to go hunting with her but he knows that's an excuse to talk about the situation at camp. They always end up arguing in front of the others and Clarke says that it shows weakness if their leaders are divided. He can't really argue with that.

So here they are, in the middle of the woods, and he's got a spear in his right hand and his rifle slung over his left shoulder. Clarke hasn't said a single thing to him since they left camp. He grabs her arm by the elbow and she spins around quickly.

"What's wrong? Do you see something?" she asks in a panic and he rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

"Nothing's wrong. I didn't see anything," he says and she raises an eyebrow as if to ask why the hell he stopped her. "Look, what's wrong with you?"

"What are you talking about?" She's just standing there with her arms crossed over her chest in annoyance and for some reason it really pisses him off.

"You haven't said two words to me all day." She rolls her eyes. "I know you want to talk about this grounder peace treaty thing so just do it."

"What do you want me to say, Bellamy?"

"I want you to tell me why you think it's such a good idea to get friendly with the enemy. They tried to kill you, Clarke!"

"They tried to kill me because we killed one of their people. One of their children!" Bellamy scoffs and shakes his head.

"Yeah. One of their _children_. Who was on that bridge that day so she could learn how to better kill our people. I'm sorry, Clarke, but I don't trust them. I never will."

They are too close. Both of their rifles and spears are now on the ground, which is the stupidest thing ever, and they will be screwed if a grounder is anywhere nearby. Clarke's cheeks are pink with anger as she moves so she's right in front of him.

"This isn't just about you! It's about what's best for all of us!"

Her chest is heaving, he doesn't think he's ever seen her this mad, and he's shocked as hell when her hands come up in front of her as if to push him back. He grabs her hands before she can and pins them between them, which brings them dangerously closer together. They are both breathing hard when he lets go of her hands and curves one hand around the side of her neck to crash his lips against hers in one fluid motion. She squeaks a little but kisses him back just as fiercely, her hands gripping the collar of his jacket to pull him even closer.

He's thankful for the moment that her rifle is on the ground when he lifts her up and moves so she's backed up against the nearest tree. Her hands are everywhere, in his hair and on his shoulders, and he's never in his life had a kiss like this. It sets a fire low inside of him and when he breaks the kiss it's only to move his lips over her neck as she pants his name in his ear.

Her legs are wrapped around him and he has one hand braced beside her head and the other in her hair when they hear a crunching sound behind them. They both freeze and he sets her down at the exact same time that he hears Octavia's voice calling his name. Clarke picks up her rifle quickly and Bellamy does the same, his heart pounding as Octavia and Jasper come into view.

"Hey, you guys having any luck?" Jasper asks and Clarke shoots a look at Bellamy before shaking her head.

"Nope, no luck here. How about you?"

Octavia is giving him a weird look, one eyebrow raised in a questioning expression, but she doesn't say anything and he's never loved his sister more. He wouldn't even know what to say if she confronted him about something right now. She looks to Clarke and shakes her head.

"No luck for us either. We were just getting ready to head back to camp. Are you guys coming?" Bellamy looks at Clarke, who's now fumbling with the zipper of her jacket, before turning back to smile at Octavia.

"No, we're gonna keep at it for awhile." Clarke is blushing furiously when he looks over to her and he has to bite back a laugh as Jasper and Octavia wish them luck before heading back towards camp. When they are sure they are gone Clarke lets out a breath and leans back against the tree again.

"You are such an ass," she says seriously and he chuckles as he moves back in front of her before pulling her rifle off of her shoulder and resting it at their feet. "What are you doing?"

He doesn't say anything as he moves her hair out of her face and tucks it behind her ear. This time when he kisses her it's not frantic or rushed and she lets out the tiniest moan when his tongue brushes gently against hers.

Hunting can wait.


End file.
